Parent Resources

As the summer floats by we are taking some time to update our resources! On the left side bar of this blog you will find that we have added links to online resources on a variety of topics. We will continue to develop this topic list during the school year. We hope that you find these resources helpful. Please let us know about any additional topics which you would like us to explore.
As always, one of our favorite blogs for finding particular books on a special topic is called:

Books that heal Kids

Life Lessons From Playing Games

Life Lessons We Learn From Playing Games

Last month, Beth MacKinnon wrote a blog about one of our guidance classroom lessons: expected behaviors while playing a board game. These behaviors include choosing a color pawn, deciding who goes first, taking turns at the right time and good sportsmanship. There are many skills that children learn during game play that will benefit them not only while playing games, but in life in general. In this post, we will explore these skills and the skills they teach.

Choosing a Pawn Color    

For some children, this is the first obstacle to playing a game. Two people want the same color and neither wants to give. Being able to navigate this first challenge can teach children negotiation skills, flexibility and problem solving. Here are solutions to calling a truce to this problem

• Roll a die. Whoever gets the highest number, gets the pawn this game and the other player gets the pawn the next game.
• Choose their second favorite color.
• Put all the pawns in an opaque bag. Without looking, each player pulls out a pawn. This is the pawn they will use in the game.

Going first      

This is another tough hurdle for children to overcome. Everyone likes to go first. There's a reason that there are line leaders in elementary schools. It makes children feel important and special. However, not everyone can go first all the time. Again, in solving this dilemma, children learn negotiation and problem solving skills which they can use in many situations.  Here are some tried and tested ways to get the game started:

• Roll the die/spin the spinner/pick a card. Highest number goes first. This is the most popular, easiest, and quickest way to solve this age-old problem.
• Play rock, paper, scissors. If you are unsure or don't remember how to play, click here.
• Go in order by birthday months of the year (rather than age).
• Flip a coin.

Being a good sport a.k.a. Learning to lose gracefully

Face it, no one likes to lose. Some children seem to handle losing well, brushing off the loss and continuing on with their day. For others,  losing a game is hard: they get upset, quit the game, even overturn the board. It all depends on two factors: their frustration tolerance level and how invested they are in the game. Our culture emphasizes winning, and thus, some children view winning, and losing, as being tied in with their self-worth. Losing helps build resiliency in life and strategies to handle defeat. So what is a parent to do? Here are some tips to help:

• Acknowledge that it's okay to be disappointed or frustrated. This validates their feelings and makes them feel heard. It helps them deal with losing and moving on.
• Remind them of why they played in the first place--not to win, but to enjoy their time together.

Will things go smoothly every time they play? No. Will their skills, and how they handle these obstacles improve over time? Yes. Just like when children learn to walk, tie their shoes, or ride their bike without training wheels, it takes time and practice. But remember: The skills and strategies they learn will last a lifetime!

Resources

So, are you ready to have a Family Game Night yet? Here are some of the more popular games we find the children like to play when they attend lunch or snack groups. Not only are these games fun, they can also teach additional skills such as math, verbal and social skills and can lead to some interesting discussions:

1. Sorry Sliders--number recognition, addition, eye-hand coordination
2. Don't Wake Daddy-- color/number recognition, counting, handling the unexpected (Disclaimer:               Daddy sits up at various times which may be startling to some children)
3. Candyland--color recognition, counting, handling disappointment (when needing to move back           spaces or miss a turn)
4. Chutes and Ladders--expected/unexpected behaviors (expected=up the ladder, unexpected=down        slide), responsibility, making good choices
5. Kids on Stage (a charades game)--reading body language, critical thinking, planning
6. Uno-number/color recognition, matching, planning ahead, strategizing

For additional resources:

• Click here for an article on the Benefits of playing games
• Click here for a great article on the top 10 reasons to play games with kids
• Click here for the top 10 health benefits of board games

Social Detectives - Part II

Expected Game Playing and Conversation Skills

During our 4th and 5th guidance lessons with First graders they have been learning about all the steps they need to follow in order to show expected game playing skills and expected conversation skills. Students are amazed as they make a chart which includes many of the steps that go into each of these social activities! Below you will see some examples of responses from their class charts, as well as examples of the checklists they use to be an observant social detective during some actual game playing and conversations.

Game Playing
Students learn that playing a game can be divided into 3 parts: Setting up the game, Playing the game, and Cleaning up the game. They discuss that it is much better to spend the most time on playing the game, while setting up should only take 5 minutes, and cleaning up should be even faster!

Setting up the game: 

• Ask a friend to play
• Decide which game to play
• Learn how to play if you don't know how
• Decide who goes first (roll a die, flip a coin, rock/paper/scissors)
• Decide who gets each piece (ask nicely, roll a die)

Playing the game:

• Follow the rules
• Take your turn at the right time
• Use nice words
• Have fun

Cleaning up:

• Work together
• Help each other
• Be careful - put away neatly

Once students have made their chart and discussed each step they work in small groups. Then they get to practice all the steps while they play a game! During this activity, if there are 4 students in the group, then 2 students play the game and the other 2 students are detectives (using the detective observation sheet - see below). Half way through the students switch roles so that everyone has a chance to play, and a chance to be a detective.

Conversation Skills

We begin our conversation lesson by watching a quick video by Model Me Kids so that the students can see other children having a conversation. After this video the students make another chart including all the skills they need to use to have an expected conversation. In addition, they make up a list of possible topics and discuss the importance of sticking to a topic for the first part of the conversation. Then they also discuss how a person can change a topic by making a connection. Below is a sample of some of their responses from a few classroom charts.

Expected Conversation Skills
Look at the person
Bodies are facing each other
Listen to each other
Take turns talking and listening
Don't interrupt
Stay on the same topic (topic ideas: sports, movies, food, pets, games, activities, weekend plans,                                               vacations, friends, toys, TV shows, school)
Use a nice tone of voice
Use indoor voice
Ask questions
Answer questions
Ask follow up questions
End the conversation nicely

Once they have finished their chart we have a conversation activity. In small groups (2 to 3 students) they have a conversation for a few minutes with one person selecting the topic. When the chime rings the other student picks a topic and they begin another short conversation. Once they have completed their conversations they use their conversation checklist and decide how they did following the expected behaviors.

It is so fun to observe the students putting their social detective skills into practice! 

Don't forget to practice these skills at home - whether they are playing a game, or having a conversation, remind them of all the expected skills that they can practice with friends and family! 

Some conversation activities and articles to read about conversations and playing games are:

• TABLETOPICS Family: Questions to start great conversations
• TABLETOPICS To Go Kids
• Chat Pack Conversation Icebreaker Cards for Kids conversation
• Click here for an article on the Benefits of playing games
• Click here for a great article on the top 10 reasons to play games with kids
• Click here for the top 10 health benefits of board games

Being a Social Detective!

First Grade Classroom Curriculum:
Being A Social Detective

     Mrs. MacKinnon and I are currently teaching our First graders the social thinking curriculum based on Michele Garcia Winner's curriculum called, "You are a Social Detective: Explaining Social Thinking to  Kids".

      You may be asking "What is social thinking?" In a nutshell, social thinking is understanding that people around us have thoughts and feelings based on what expected or unexpected behaviors we demonstrate throughout the course of the day. Based on this understanding, the more expected behaviors you use, the more others will want to be with you and develop friendships with you. So, what does this really mean?  Let's start with some definitions.

     Expected behaviors are the things we do and say that give people good thoughts about us and that also make them feel good. The way you are expected to behave in various social settings can differ, based on whom you are with and where you are. For example, we act differently when we are in library (quiet/whispering voice, calm body, walking feet) than when we are at a barbecue (normal/outside voice, animated body). 
     Unexpected behaviors, conversely, are things we do and say that give people uncomfortable thoughts about us and that can make them feel unhappy, mad or sad. Again, unexpected behaviors can differ based on whom you are with and where you are. For example, having expected recess behaviors--running, yelling--in a library, would be considered unexpected.
     A Social Detective is someone who uses their tools--eyes, ears, and what they know in their brains--to figure out what is happening in a situation and to make a smart guess what will happen next, or what they should do next.

One of the concepts that we have started teaching and talking about in our lessons is called "Thinking With Your Eyes".  Thinking with your eyes means that you are using your eyes to look at others, which not only makes them feel good, but it also lets them know that you are thinking about them. In addition, when we "think with our eyes", we can use them, along with our brain, to figure out what is expected or what can happen next. 

A game that we play to teach this concept involves using a ball.  The class sits in a circle facing each other and are told that they will be able to roll the ball to someone. However, in this game, their voices are off. The only way that they can roll the ball is if they make eye contact with someone across from them. They will need to "use their eyes" to think about a person and then to pass the ball to that person. Some interesting questions come up during this game, such as "What if the person you want to pass it to isn't looking at you?" All of this leads to the discussion of the importance of eye contact and using your eyes to figure out what to do in all situations and places.

Other games that teach the importance of using your eyes for thinking are:

• Guess what I'm looking at?---Look at an item or person in the room and have others guess what they are looking at and thinking about.
• What's my plan?--Pretend that you are going to pick something up, but don't complete the action. Then have the others guess what you are doing and about to do next. Other examples included reaching for crayons/markers, sitting in a chair, or putting a coat on a chair. These examples can lead to discussions on what to do if you see someone reaching for the same crayon or chair that you want and deciding which expected  behaviors do you choose to do next.

In the coming lessons, the classes will learn more about smart/wacky guesses as well as the expected behaviors in both game playing and conversations. Stay tuned for our next blog post describing our class activities when learning about these concepts!

Here are some additional links and information about the Social Thinking curriculum:

Michelle Garcia Winner's social thinking website

IPad game that teaches social thinking concepts

Pinterest activities and information

Conflict Resolution: Part II

After learning about conflicts and how they can escalate on the conflict escalator, 2nd grade and Multi-age students have now been learning how to use the 4 step C.A.P.S. method for Conflict Resolution.   Each letter in C.A.P.S. stands for a step that each person needs to perform in order to come down the escalator.

                 

·      C = Cool Off. This is the very important first step. Students have practiced many ways to calm down or relax including taking deep breaths, tensing and relaxing muscles (Draining), counting backwards from 15, imagining yourself in a peaceful place, exercising, doing yoga, and talking to yourself about calming down. Students have learned that when their feelings have escalated during a conflict that they are not able to think clearly to solve a problem. If they do not cool off first, then they may just go right back up the escalator when they try to solve the problem. Another chart to remind students of their cooling off strategies is to look at the Zones Strategies chart.

·      Once they have cooled off, the second step is to A = Agree to work out the problem.  It is important for everyone involved in the conflict to be calm and ready to work it out. Students learned that if someone is not ready yet, they should give that person time and space to cool off. They are reminded that the cooling off process may take a few minutes, or sometimes a few days!

·       The third step is P = Point to the Problem.  Both children involved in the conflict need to share their point of view (their side of the story). A key step here is for students to be good listeners so that they understand what the other person was thinking. This is a good time for students to use an I Feel message to share their feelings/point of view. So often they realize that a conflict resulted after a misunderstanding.

·      Once the children have an understanding of the problem the 4^th step is to brainstorm some Solutions = S.  We encourage the children to come up with several win/win solutions so that each person gets some of what they want. Of course they are always encouraged to use the solution wheel.  They learn that when they have several solutions/plans they can try one, and if it doesn't work then they can try the next solution.      

Our hope is to assist children to become more independent problem solvers while at the same time recognizing when it is important to seek help from an adult. These concepts will be reinforced at school, on the playground, in class and at community meetings.

Here are some links to additional conflict resolution books, strategies, and activities for children:
Conflict Resolution book reviews

More strategies

Pinterest conflict resolution activities

Conflict Resolution: Part 1

Conflicts! They happen to everyone at one time or another.  The trick is learning how to resolve them respectfully, peacefully and kindly.  Currently in our 2nd grade classrooms, guidance has been teaching the students about conflicts and how to resolve them peacefully. Students have been learning various terminology and definitions: Conflicts (fights, disagreements or arguments); the Conflict Escalator; Compromising (win-win solutions) as well as learning about some tools that they can use to discuss conflicts without hurting another's feelings in the process.  The tools that have been discussed thus far are "I-Feel" messages and using CAPS (to be explained in our next post).
     

An important concept that the students are taught is the Conflict Escalator.  The Conflict Escalator illustrates that certain behaviors can cause a problem or conflict to get bigger and more difficult to resolve. In addition to discussing how the conflict escalates, students also discuss how their feelings escalate and move through the different Zones. 

Students are taught that the Conflict Escalator is fluid in nature.  Not everyone follows the "steps" in order.  In fact, when on the Conflict Escalator, one can go from the bottom to the top, and not touch on any of the other behaviors depicted.  Others can start at the bottom step, miss a "step" go back down and then jump to the top. When we teach this concept, we don't want or expect the students to memorize this chart. We just want them to be able to recognize that they, or someone else, is on the Escalator and then know what they can do to come down the escalator.

One of the first tools that students learn is how to use an "I-Feel" message. This is a statement that imparts a lot of important information. It lets someone know: 1) How they feel;  2) Why they feel that way (their point of view); and 3) Offers a solution to the problem or conflict.  In teaching "I-Feel" messages, we show and practice with the class the "recipe" to create an I-Feel message:

I feel _________when you ______________ because _______________.

                       Please _______________.

An example on how to use this message is as follows:

I feel sad when you say I can't play with you at recess because you promised to play with me today. Please play with me tomorrow.

These messages can be effective at resolving conflicts and allow the students to get their voices heard in a respectful manner. The hope is that when someone listens to an "I feel" message that they can then apologize for their actions and work towards a peaceful resolution.

In the next lessons, the children will learn further how their emotions are tied to the Escalator and how they can step off of it to resolve their problems using the CAPS method. Stay tuned to our next blog post for CAPS information!!

Zones of Regulation

Learning about feelings/emotions, and learning how to regulate emotions can be difficult and challenging tasks for everyone. At Nabnasset we have been using a wonderful program called the Zones of Regulation by Leah Kuypers to help teach these skills to our students. We use this program with our small counseling groups, and we also teach some of the information to our second graders in their classroom guidance lessons. We would like to share with you some of the basic skills that the students are learning in their lessons.

First students learn that feelings can be divided into 4 basic zones based on one's level of alertness and/or level of energy that one is experiencing in their body. Once they have an understanding of feelings (how feelings arise, internal body signals) they begin to learn a variety of tools to use in order to manage their feelings in the zones.

Blue zone is used to describe a low state of alertness and low energy. Some blue zone feelings are: Sad, lonely, tired, sick, or bored.

Green zone is used to describe the ideal "just right" state of alertness - one's energy is just right for the situation they are in. Some green zone feelings are: happy, relaxed/calm, confident, focused, and proud.

Yellow zone is used to describe a heightened state of alertness, one's energy level is starting to go up. Some yellow zone feelings are: Excited, worried, frustrated, nervous, upset, and silly.

Red zone is used to describe an extremely heightened state of alertness, one's energy level is very high. Some red zone feelings are: Mad/angry, very frustrated, very excited, and out of control.

It is very important to teach your child that experiencing their feelings, and being in any of the zones is not bad/wrong. The important skills that the students need to learn are how to recognize their feelings, and how to use tools to manage their feelings in the different zones.

In a very informative article discussing how to manage your zones (click here for complete article) Leah Kuypers writes: "Feelings are innate; they make us human and are part of the fabric of life. Our feelings are windows into the thoughts and perspectives we hold toward a situation, a person, or an event. As a mom and therapist, I catch myself from time to time telling someone, “Don’t worry…” or “Don’t be sad…” only to remind myself “It’s too late, the other person is already worried or sad.” Rather than offering support in the form of telling others not to feel this way or that, we can help people manage the feelings they are experiencing in an adaptive and prosocial way. I created The Zones of Regulation (The Zones) to help us do just that: support people in managing all the feelings they experience, without passing judgment on what people are feeling or how they are behaving."

Here are 2 charts which we use to help students:
This first chart helps students learn to label some of the different feelings in the 4 zones:

This next chart helps students learn a variety of tools they can learn and practice to help manage their feelings in the different zones. It is very helpful to practice the strategies with your child when they are calm, and have them pick the strategies that will work best for them.

Additional Resources:

1) Reading books about feelings is a great way to introduce your child to all different feelings. One of our favorites is: The Way I Feel by Janan Cain.

2) More feelings books to explore - click here!

3) Go to this zones of regulation blog to explore some video clips of different characters in the different zones!

4) Here are some fun Pinterest ideas if you are looking for some visual tools to use at home!