Understanding Anxiety

Everyone experiences anxiety in their lifetime.  The most common occurrences arise when meeting new people or in new experiences as well as when facing big challenges, such as giving a presentation at work or school.  It is completely natural to feel this way during these situations. Such feelings can induce various sensations such as: fluttering stomach, sweaty palms, racing heart, increased breathing, and thinking about the “what ifs”.

Here are some of the common fears found in school-aged children:

YOUNG CHILDREN: Imaginary figures (e.g., ghosts, monsters, supernatural beings), the dark, noises, sleeping alone, thunder, floods) 

OLDER CHILDREN/ADOLESCENTS: more realistic fears (e.g., physical injury, health, school performance, death, thunderstorms, earthquakes, floods).

How can one tell if anxiety is at a normal reaction or becoming more severe (an anxiety disorder)?

Jerome Bubrick, PhD., Senior Director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute, offers the following guidelines:

• Severe anxiety is out of proportion. A second grader might be nervous about taking a spelling test. A boy with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) might be so worried that he starts studying for the test a week early and loses sleep for days.
• Severe anxiety is being overly self-conscious. A girl might be nervous before performing in her first recital. Someone with social anxiety disorder might have a panic attack prior to ordering in a restaurant.
• Severe anxiety is often unwanted and uncontrollable. A typical kindergartener might cry at school because he misses his mother. An older boy with separation anxiety disorder might cry at school because he can’t stop thinking that his mother will die if he is away from her.
• Severe anxiety is unrealistic. A girl might be afraid of burglars robbing the house. Someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) might think burglars will come unless she touches everything in her room twice.
• Severe anxiety doesn’t go away. While anxiety symptoms are common and even expected after a disturbing experience such as a car accident or a flood, over time most children bounce back. Six months later a boy with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) will still be having nightmares.
• Severe anxiety leads to avoidance. A girl might be nervous about going to a birthday party. A girl with a specific phobia of clowns might refuse to go to birthday parties at all because she’s afraid that a clown may be there.

What can a parent do?

For a child experiencing normal anxiety, here are a few suggestions that you can do to help:

1. Listen to them and let them express their anxiety. Saying “there’s nothing to be worried about” or “don’t worry about it” does not ease their fears.  It can make them feel as if you don’t understand or didn’t listen.  Instead, validate their feelings by saying things like “I hear you’re feeling scared.  What are you scared/nervous/anxious about? What can we do to help you?"
2. Assist your child in coming up with solutions that can ease their anxiety.  Not only do these teach them new coping skills, but it also empowers them (especially if they can come up with a solution). Once they have developed their coping skills and solutions, have your child state what they can do before or in a situation.
3. Practice relaxation techniques. These can include deep breathing, yoga, or thinking of a calm place. Some of these techniques were covered in our mindfulness post, so please visit this post to practice some strategies.

Below are some additional books and online resources which are extremely helpful in understanding anxiety and learning ways that you can help.

Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 ways to stop the worry cycle and raise courageous and independent children by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons is a wonderful book to help you understand and reframe what you know about anxiety and how you can help your child. It is recommended for ages 8-18, but if your child is younger you can still learn some great information.

                                                            

Playing with anxiety: Casey's guide for teens and kids: Click on this link for a free downloadable book to be read with your child! Casey tells her story of anxiety and how she discovered 7 strategies that changed her life. This book is also by the authors of the Anxious Kids, Anxious parents book and can be used in conjunction with that book, or on its own.

Great Anxiety website: Go to this website for some wonderful information about all types of anxiety, including information about how to talk with your child about anxiety, and a very helpful toolkit section. 

What to do when you Worry too much: A kid's guide to overcoming anxiety is a workbook by Dawn Huebner that you can do with your child to help them understand their anxiety or worry, and develop strategies that they can use.

                                                           

Our favorite blog with books to help kids with all sorts of topics has a wonderful list of books that deal with worry and anxiety. Please visit Books that heal for a complete list of books!

Here is another informative website with great information on anxiety and another book list! The child anxiety network is run by Dr. Donna Pincus, PhD. She is an Associate Professor at Boston University, and the Director of the Child and Adolescent Fear and Anxiety Treatment Program at the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University.