Conflict Resolution: Part II

After learning about conflicts and how they can escalate on the conflict escalator, 2nd grade and Multi-age students have now been learning how to use the 4 step C.A.P.S. method for Conflict Resolution.   Each letter in C.A.P.S. stands for a step that each person needs to perform in order to come down the escalator.

                 

·      C = Cool Off. This is the very important first step. Students have practiced many ways to calm down or relax including taking deep breaths, tensing and relaxing muscles (Draining), counting backwards from 15, imagining yourself in a peaceful place, exercising, doing yoga, and talking to yourself about calming down. Students have learned that when their feelings have escalated during a conflict that they are not able to think clearly to solve a problem. If they do not cool off first, then they may just go right back up the escalator when they try to solve the problem. Another chart to remind students of their cooling off strategies is to look at the Zones Strategies chart.

·      Once they have cooled off, the second step is to A = Agree to work out the problem.  It is important for everyone involved in the conflict to be calm and ready to work it out. Students learned that if someone is not ready yet, they should give that person time and space to cool off. They are reminded that the cooling off process may take a few minutes, or sometimes a few days!

·       The third step is P = Point to the Problem.  Both children involved in the conflict need to share their point of view (their side of the story). A key step here is for students to be good listeners so that they understand what the other person was thinking. This is a good time for students to use an I Feel message to share their feelings/point of view. So often they realize that a conflict resulted after a misunderstanding.

·      Once the children have an understanding of the problem the 4^th step is to brainstorm some Solutions = S.  We encourage the children to come up with several win/win solutions so that each person gets some of what they want. Of course they are always encouraged to use the solution wheel.  They learn that when they have several solutions/plans they can try one, and if it doesn't work then they can try the next solution.      

Our hope is to assist children to become more independent problem solvers while at the same time recognizing when it is important to seek help from an adult. These concepts will be reinforced at school, on the playground, in class and at community meetings.

Here are some links to additional conflict resolution books, strategies, and activities for children:
Conflict Resolution book reviews

More strategies

Pinterest conflict resolution activities

Conflict Resolution: Part 1

Conflicts! They happen to everyone at one time or another.  The trick is learning how to resolve them respectfully, peacefully and kindly.  Currently in our 2nd grade classrooms, guidance has been teaching the students about conflicts and how to resolve them peacefully. Students have been learning various terminology and definitions: Conflicts (fights, disagreements or arguments); the Conflict Escalator; Compromising (win-win solutions) as well as learning about some tools that they can use to discuss conflicts without hurting another's feelings in the process.  The tools that have been discussed thus far are "I-Feel" messages and using CAPS (to be explained in our next post).
     

An important concept that the students are taught is the Conflict Escalator.  The Conflict Escalator illustrates that certain behaviors can cause a problem or conflict to get bigger and more difficult to resolve. In addition to discussing how the conflict escalates, students also discuss how their feelings escalate and move through the different Zones. 

Students are taught that the Conflict Escalator is fluid in nature.  Not everyone follows the "steps" in order.  In fact, when on the Conflict Escalator, one can go from the bottom to the top, and not touch on any of the other behaviors depicted.  Others can start at the bottom step, miss a "step" go back down and then jump to the top. When we teach this concept, we don't want or expect the students to memorize this chart. We just want them to be able to recognize that they, or someone else, is on the Escalator and then know what they can do to come down the escalator.

One of the first tools that students learn is how to use an "I-Feel" message. This is a statement that imparts a lot of important information. It lets someone know: 1) How they feel;  2) Why they feel that way (their point of view); and 3) Offers a solution to the problem or conflict.  In teaching "I-Feel" messages, we show and practice with the class the "recipe" to create an I-Feel message:

I feel _________when you ______________ because _______________.

                       Please _______________.

An example on how to use this message is as follows:

I feel sad when you say I can't play with you at recess because you promised to play with me today. Please play with me tomorrow.

These messages can be effective at resolving conflicts and allow the students to get their voices heard in a respectful manner. The hope is that when someone listens to an "I feel" message that they can then apologize for their actions and work towards a peaceful resolution.

In the next lessons, the children will learn further how their emotions are tied to the Escalator and how they can step off of it to resolve their problems using the CAPS method. Stay tuned to our next blog post for CAPS information!!