Conflicts! They happen to everyone at one time or another. The trick is learning how to resolve them respectfully, peacefully and kindly. Currently in our 2nd grade classrooms, guidance has been teaching the students about conflicts and how to resolve them peacefully. Students have been learning various terminology and definitions: Conflicts (fights, disagreements or arguments); the Conflict Escalator; Compromising (win-win solutions) as well as learning about some tools that they can use to discuss conflicts without hurting another's feelings in the process. The tools that have been discussed thus far are "I-Feel" messages and using CAPS (to be explained in our next post).
An important concept that the students are taught is the Conflict Escalator. The Conflict Escalator illustrates that certain behaviors can cause a problem or conflict to get bigger and more difficult to resolve. In addition to discussing how the conflict escalates, students also discuss how their feelings escalate and move through the different Zones.
Students are taught that the Conflict Escalator is fluid in nature. Not everyone follows the "steps" in order. In fact, when on the Conflict Escalator, one can go from the bottom to the top, and not touch on any of the other behaviors depicted. Others can start at the bottom step, miss a "step" go back down and then jump to the top. When we teach this concept, we don't want or expect the students to memorize this chart. We just want them to be able to recognize that they, or someone else, is on the Escalator and then know what they can do to come down the escalator.
One of the first tools that students learn is how to use an "I-Feel" message. This is a statement that imparts a lot of important information. It lets someone know: 1) How they feel; 2) Why they feel that way (their point of view); and 3) Offers a solution to the problem or conflict. In teaching "I-Feel" messages, we show and practice with the class the "recipe" to create an I-Feel message:
Students are taught that the Conflict Escalator is fluid in nature. Not everyone follows the "steps" in order. In fact, when on the Conflict Escalator, one can go from the bottom to the top, and not touch on any of the other behaviors depicted. Others can start at the bottom step, miss a "step" go back down and then jump to the top. When we teach this concept, we don't want or expect the students to memorize this chart. We just want them to be able to recognize that they, or someone else, is on the Escalator and then know what they can do to come down the escalator.
One of the first tools that students learn is how to use an "I-Feel" message. This is a statement that imparts a lot of important information. It lets someone know: 1) How they feel; 2) Why they feel that way (their point of view); and 3) Offers a solution to the problem or conflict. In teaching "I-Feel" messages, we show and practice with the class the "recipe" to create an I-Feel message:
I feel _________when you ______________ because _______________.
Please _______________.
An example on how to use this message is as follows:
I feel sad when you say I can't play with you at recess because you promised to play with me today. Please play with me tomorrow.
These messages can be effective at resolving conflicts and allow the students to get their voices heard in a respectful manner. The hope is that when someone listens to an "I feel" message that they can then apologize for their actions and work towards a peaceful resolution.
In the next lessons, the children will learn further how their emotions are tied to the Escalator and how they can step off of it to resolve their problems using the CAPS method. Stay tuned to our next blog post for CAPS information!!
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